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literature

Blade

Deviation Actions

Elendurwen

Published: Mar 14, 2017

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Literature Text

Blade meets the skin
So cold and burning
For comforts of agony
So knowingly illogical

A child indoctrinated
To feel ugly within
To feel insufficient
For this judging world

Blade an instant fix
For all that's broken
Beyond repair
Beyond reason
Self-hate grows
Like an infection
It spreads through the body
It urges hot blood
Out of swollen veins

Made to believe
In ugliness within
Taught to be afraid
And to never trust

Blade curves a picture
A portrait of the soul
For no eyes to see
For no hand to touch

Made to believe
In permanence of pain
In the rule of darkness
Over night and day

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We were made to believe.. can we undo the indoctrination?

I experimented with the form a little bit here - the tempo of the 3rd stanza represents the rush of emotions that come on during hurting yourself - raw, unreasonable, destructive. Then it all quiets down and one can return to a state of semi-sanity and self-reflection.

I also wanted to describe the paradox of self-hurt in the 5th stanza. Many people say that self-harm is a cry for help. The opposite is often true. Many people who self-hurt never share that information, especially not with the loved ones. There is a lot of embarrassment and the general feeling of not being 'safe' to share what you do to yourself.

I recently read a great book about this that explains some of the paradoxes and urges of self-harm, "The language of injury". Highly recommend to everyone who wants to breakaway from the indoctrination of being insufficient and deserving pain.